


All I Had I Gave Away

by WhiteRoses



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Deckerstar - Freeform, F/M, Post-Finale, SeasonFour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-11-02 07:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20671538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteRoses/pseuds/WhiteRoses
Summary: Post-season four (SPOILERS). Chloe visits Lucifer in her dreams but she knows that she needs to finally pick up the pieces of the mess he’s left behind. One shot. Angsty because the s4 finale may have actually broken me.





	All I Had I Gave Away

It was summer. 

She was wearing the green silk dress she’d bought for the night of the masquerade ball at Lux those months ago and she absentmindedly noticed her tingling skin as the soft material flowed around her calves. Her hair was pulled up loosely in an elegant bun, and she subconsciously tucked a stray wisp of it behind her ear as she settled, totally relaxed, in one of the luxurious chaises on the penthouse’s grand balcony. She felt peaceful as she gazed out over the expansive, lit-up skyline of LA. For once, there were no murders to be dealt with, no crimes to be solved, no celestial drama to worry herself over. There was a nagging voice in the back of her head, bugging her, but she pushed it away. She had suffered so much. Didn’t she deserve just a moment of happiness?

A warm hand suddenly covered her own, smaller one resting on the table. 

“Detective.” 

Drawn out of her momentary daze, Chloe met the eyes of the man next to her. Lucifer. The man she loved. She graced him with a soft smile, examining the way the soft candlelight reflected in his chocolate eyes without a trace of their occasional devilish red hue. Just him, her annoying, exasperating, charming best friend. She never wanted to look away, to face reality, a reality without him. She had denied, suppressed, and hid her feelings for too long and now she knew that they both felt the same way. They deserved to be happy together. 

“Detective, as much as I understand how… distracting… my devilish looks can be, I really do have something I’d like to discuss with you,” he said, teasingly acknowledging her staring. 

“Shh.” Rolling her eyes endearingly at his quip, she put a finger on his lips, closing her eyes briefly. “Lets just enjoy the moment. Trixie’s at Dan’s house, and it’s the weekend, and, come on, we never had that date you wanted.”

After all that happened with Lucifer revealing his true self to her, then her running away, betraying him, and then watching, heartbroken, as he replaced her with Eve, she deserved a moment of bliss, she thought. She had finally come to terms with him, all of him, devil face and gruesome historical anecdotes included. As crazy as it was, she had finally accepted him because he was her best friend, her ever-reliable partner, the man that she had had feelings for since he held her that first time, crying, in her kitchen as she reminisced about her dad. And he loved her too. Although he had never lied, at last, there were no more secrets between them. 

Soft, instrumental jazz music drifted over the warm breeze of the summer evening from somewhere just out of sight, and she was suddenly hit with the urge of wanting to hold him close to her. 

“Dance with me?” 

She held her hand out to him. Their eyes locked once again and she read the emotions fleeting across his face. Love, adoration, but also pain, confusion, pity. She didn’t try to understand why. She didn’t want to understand. He seemed to be struggling with a decision. Whatever it was, honoring her will won out, and he allowed her to help him out of his seat across from her and lead him to the open space of the balcony. He still looked conflicted, but he pulled her close to him anyways, as if protecting her from the pain and hurt of the world. She draped her arms around his neck and rested her head against his solid chest. 

They were barely moving, just soaking in the warm night. She was happy like this. She could be happy like this. A sharp thought jolted her heart before she could suppress it, and the memories of a night, months ago, on this very balcony all came rushing back. Him kissing her, telling her that they were wrong. That she was his first love. If God was indeed real, then why, God, had he taken him away from her? What sort of twisted plan was this? 

As if sensing her sudden heartache, he suddenly pulled away, his unblinking eyes staring into her soul, and she shuddered in the absence of his body heat. 

“Detective. Chloe,” he corrected himself. His face lacked its usual mischievousness. She knew what he was going to say, and she didn’t want to hear it, even though she knew she needed to. Not yet. She couldn’t give him up yet. And even so, he spoke. 

“Chloe, as much as I enjoy you gracing me with your company every night, you know I don’t live through lies. The humans need you. The little urchin needs you. And as much as he disgusts me, even the Douche needs you. You have to stop living in a dream.”

“No, how can I?” She raised her voice panickedly. “I can’t do this without you! I need you, Lucifer! How can I continue on as if none of this… insanity… never happened?”

He reached up to wipe an escaped tear off her cheek, just like the night he’d flown off to Hell for good, leaving her a sobbing mess in his penthouse. She could see the heartbreak in his eyes for the pain he was causing her, and she knew it was reflected in her own. 

“You’re the strongest mortal I’ve ever met, Detective. You can.” He gave her a sad, crooked smile. 

She knew in her heart that he was right, that it was finally time to stop visiting this place, these feelings, in her dreams. Her daughter and friends needed her, and the precinct missed her. They called nearly every week, trying hard and failing to hide their desperation for her to come back. In her absence, Ella and the others were struggling to keep up with the never-ending flow of cases and her missing expertise just made things harder. 

She knew what her dad would want. And she knew what Lucifer would want, too, if he was still there. 

And so, with a deep breath, she made up her mind. 

“Okay.”

She silently heaved as one last sob escaped her, accepting the finality of this moment. It was time for her to accept that he was gone for good, that she had to stop returning to this place in her dreams and pretending like everything was fine. She has never been one to hide from reality or get lost in her feelings, and yet, Lucifer had challenged every one of the things she held to be true about herself. 

He was like no other man she had loved. He was unpredictable and unreasonable and so, so passionate. She had never had anyone care for her or challenge her the way he had and she thought that that had to be the reason that he had affected her to the point of a months-long breakdown where she couldn’t function and had no motivation to do any of the things she normally loved. She had even neglected Trixie lately, and she knew that it hurt and confused her, and yet Chloe could not bring herself to do anything about it. That was part of the reason, as Dream Lucifer reminded her that she had to put an end to her nighttime fantasies. 

Chloe took him in one last time, his soft, dark hair and sparkling eyes full of passion for her, his gentle hands resting on her back, his love, unspoken but felt by her in the night. He stood there, unmoving, knowing what was about to happen and letting her control it, for once. It was unlike him to be so quiet, but she supposed that he was a figment of her own imagination, anyways. He still had that soft, sad smile on her face and even though it made it that much harder for her to leave him behind, it also gave her strength, knowing that, somewhere, he still existed and still held this love for her. 

She would never be totally ready, but she made the leap anyway, kissing him on his stubbled cheek one last time and holding his hands in her own. 

“Goodbye, Lucifer.” 

And then all was quiet. Her tears came to a stop and for the first time in months her fitful tossing and turning in the small bedroom of the LA apartment came to a halt. Her hands released an empty bottle of alcohol that had served as her companion for the past nights and it rolled off the bed, quietly landing onto the soft carpet below. For the rest of the night, she fell into a long, dreamless sleep.

Tomorrow was going to be different. Tomorrow, she was going to take control of her life, be the mom and the detective that the world needed once more. Tomorrow, she would begin to heal.


End file.
